🔗 Share this article

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?